Jay's Story - Opening to the Other Side

Jay attended a group session that took place in Los Angeles on August 28, 2013. He had never been to anything like this before and was taken into an experience of the afterlife, where he met with his family members who had passed from the physical. After the sessions he wrote to his mother and siblings about his experience. Following are the unedited email exchanges between them. The names of his family members have been changed for privacy.

Thank you Jay for sharing your story.

******

Hi Mom, Jon, Carrie,

Tonight I had an experience that I want to share with you. As Carrie knows, my day started off pretty bad; mad ringing in my ears, bone tired, and really stressed out. My mind cycled through things that might fix it... a massage, a drink, a vacation, a pill, something.

I texted Carrie that I was having anxiety and she asked to help. Just hearing that made me feel better. But the day was a grind.

Last week, my friend Richard invited me to an event. I love Richard, and normally I would say “Thanks man, but let's have lunch some time. I don't go to many events. I have a hard time hearing, especially where someone is speaking.” But he actually called and requested that I come, so I said yes. I ran out the door seconds after a conference call and made it there by 7 pm. I didn't know anyone except Richard, and after a quick hello, he went to do his thing, so I sat and made conversation with a girl next to me who didn't know anyone either.

The evening was put on by Kimberly, a small, freckled single mom. About 25 to 30 of us sat around a spacious room with a high, timber frame ceiling. Kimberly explained that she is basically a "facilitator." Imagine a security guard with a big key chain who shows up to open heavy, locked doors, then steps aside and allows everyone in.

She said, some of us may just enjoy the peacefulness of the space we were sharing, while others may have a stronger experience, but really it was up to us. She was opening the door, we were only asked to accept the invitation, stay open, and step through.

I hope you'll accept what I say in the same attitude that I experienced it, which is to say with an open mind. What I experienced was beautiful, emotional, and profoundly life- affirming. Within about a minute of Kimberly starting the session (all she did was breath and open the space for us, she didn't speak at all), I sensed the room around me fade away. No big thing. That happens in meditation and sleep. But not long after that, I became aware that I was in an actual room somewhere else, and a figure had appeared before me. The figure was dark and blurry at first. I had brought a picture of dad with me, so of course I was thinking, well, I guess it makes sense -- if I'm going to see anyone it will be dad. It was. He sensed I was nervous so he just lingered ahead of me, like he was waiting for me to stop judging, stop being skeptical, stop thinking, and just BE.

I didn't talk or ask questions right away, because as much as it felt like dad, I also thought maybe it was just my imagination. But then he came forward and I felt a warm, deeply loving embrace. He expressed that he was glad that I came. I saw other figures behind him, yet no one was coming forward. Whoever they were, they were being patient. I sensed that they were waiting for me to get comfortable with the space and to allow me do be with dad for a while.

I felt dad move aside and the next thing I knew, I was standing next to grandma as she sat in her chair at their house on Evermore. I didn't know it was the house right away, but grandma was very relaxed and happy, and very in control of the space we were in. I sensed very strongly that she felt I would be most comfortable with her leading me through this and for a long time it was just the two of us silently reuniting.

Please be patient and try to stay open...

It's very hard for me to express how this went. But from the first moment I sensed her, I felt incredible love and incredible confidence that she has been there watching us since she passed. She sat in the living room chair, and after a while she held my hand. I told her I was sorry that I hadn't thought of her more, even loved her more, and she expressed that she understood. She told me to be open, stay open, and that there was love everywhere. She seemed very glad to see me, and the love I felt from her was as real as the love I feel from mom today.

After a while, she let me see more of the house. (This whole experience lasted almost two hours and it felt like five minutes.) As I was getting a sense of the house, I began to feel there was much going on there. It was like when we were kids, but somehow different. When I tried to put my finger on it, I think the vision of the house was closest to when mom grew up there. I felt other people around but I didn't understand who they were.

Figures were coming and going, lots of them. There were figures in the other rooms, some came and went from the kitchen. A breeze through the porch carried familiar scents through the house. I felt people in the backyard. I stayed with grandma because I felt comfortable with her; she was showing me immense love and understanding. I felt as if I was experiencing her true, beautiful, loving spirit. I kept feeling her hand, small the way I remember, but stronger.

Every now and then I would "think" a question and the answer would come from within me. I asked who was around the house and she said that everyone's welcome, they're all here. She seemed used to everyone coming and going. Again, I sensed there was much going on there, but what, I wasn't sure. I felt her taking her time with me, still understanding that I was unsure what was happening. I can't stress this enough; but she seemed very happy to see me. I couldn't stop smelling the air and when I referred to the breeze, she called Kimberly the breeze. I took it like she was giving Kimberly a nickname, but I think she meant Kimberly brought me here, she was the breeze that brought me to the house. It was beautiful and loving the way she expressed it. At one point when I could open my eyes, I saw Kimberly, and when I felt my own skepticism creeping back, grandma expressed to me that I was receiving things and that I should give her a gift. (I did)

After a little while, I turned and saw grandpa sitting on the couch. He was waiting for me all along, and I was thinking, oh my god, what do I say, how do I DO this? And he just gave that laugh he has. He made me feel okay for not... this hurts to say, but it's the truth -- for not loving him more while he was alive and since he passed. He expressed complete understanding and only gave me more love. He seemed to defer to grandma to guide me, if that makes sense. I could sense Uncle Brian and Uncle Paul, but I didn't look for them and they didn't come forward. They were part of the house, and part of the love I was feeling, however grandma seemed to express that they were looking after someone, which filled me with emotion. I didn't think of Uncle Will then, but maybe that's who.

Again, there was an energy to the house that I'll never forget as long as I live. The figures there were at peace, but they weren't idle. I sensed Ella (dad's mom) in the room where grandma used to watch TV. She let me know she was there. When I tried to think of something to ask her, it was expressed to me that she and dad were together, which made them both eternally happy. This was so strange... Even before I was reminded that Ella died while dad was young, I felt the love they had for each other. It was like a wave. It was so strong it was all I could do not to burst into tears. She was seeing her son and dad had his mom!

About an hour later, I'm still there and I'm wondering why did this experience happen in grandma and grandpa's house? Why not Horsely? Why not the trailer? There are lots of places I call 'sacred,' so why grandma's house? I hadn't thought of the house in ages. I think it was grandma who expressed that different houses mean different things to people. Horsely was our house but was it sacred? In many ways it wasn't, it held good memories but lots of pain. From the moment I was in grandma's house it felt completely right. I was just so curious about it, but I kept looking around and thinking, yes, of course, of course this is home. This is where we all met growing up. I stressed to grandma how glad I was to be here. I still had no impulse to do anything but stay right beside her. I was filled with questions, but I was almost too afraid to ask them. It was like a dream I didn't want to end. Then I learned that if I just stayed silent, I would "hear" the answer from within me even if I hadn't asked the question.

At last I noticed dad wasn't around anymore. For a second I felt a sense of loss. When I asked where he was, grandma's answer was crystal clear. He's with Jon.

I burst quietly into tears. It made me so happy. I love you Jon, but I'm lost as your brother, I'm confused why you treat me the way you do, and honestly, since I've been back from visiting, I've hated you. I've been madder at you than I've ever been because I can't talk with you and I've become tired of your intolerance toward me. But dad is watching you. After that was expressed, grandma's house suddenly made sense and I knew that everyone was coming and going because they were looking after us, as best they could.

It was time to go, Kimberly's session was closing. I tried to convey to everyone how glad I was to be here and how loved I felt. I was coming back to the present.

I don't know why, but I remember expressing to dad as I was leaving how upset I was for coming back here unhappy and that maybe the best thing for Jon and I (certainly for me), was to live separate lives. Me being me, of course it seemed like a great plan. And that's when I heard dad say, "Love him." He repeated it, "Love him, Jay." He didn't say it in a way that left a tiny crack open for me to be cold and distant because I felt justified. And it was in no way admonishing. In fact, he was telling me that all I can ever do for anyone is love them.

Jon, I want you safe. I want you happy. I want you around until we're old men together. But dad's right. My only tool to help you is to love you. What you do with it is up to you.

Carrie, I asked about you, as scared as I was, and what I got back was that fates aren't foretold. Anything can happen to us at anytime. Me asking specifically about you seemed weird to them, like all each of us ever has is today and what we chose to do with our time is what counts.

Kimberly hadn't spoken in nearly two hours. Later, listening to her talk it was like she had guided me personally. As she spoke, I recalled grandma's answer when I asked what she thought of Kimberly. Grandma seemed to say, "She's the breeze, she opened the door." Overall what I feel now is gratitude for the night, and for learning how to be open. I woke up feeling lost and look where I ended up.

Finding grandma and grandpa, Ella, Dad and others in a roomful of strangers shows me they were there all along, ready to accept me--ready to accept US, just as we are. It was incomparable to anything I've experienced before. How do I hold on to this feeling of love? Kimberly said it took her 19 years to overcome the fear of leading sessions. But in time, the fear went away. When we live restrictive lives, hold things in, we are creating less and less space for love and change, for movement in our lives. What grandma and grandpa showed me tonight was that I was never judged for how I've lived. But I only experienced them because I was open. Listening to Kimberly talk afterwards, I was so grateful she didn't give up. I think grandma was too.

So Mom, Jon, Carrie, I love you.

All I'll ever ask in return is that you love me the best you can.

-Jay

From Carrie:

Jay, That was amazing , beautiful and so very touching. You should feel blessed to have experienced something like that. It is so beautiful and I can only imagine how it must feel to experience all that love. I hope you know how strong my love for you is and always has been. I love the relationship we have, mostly because of how "honest", easy going and how comfortable I feel talking to you. Like I said yesterday, I don't know what I would do without you and hope to never have to think about it. I'm always here for you. Always! I love you with all my heart. I wish I was half the person you are! You are my rock.

From Jon:

Jay, Reading through your experience has me in tears..for many reasons. I have so much to say, but I feel I don't have the strength to express everything I'm feeling right now. I just need you to know that I Love You. I'm truly sorry for the way I treated you. There is no excuse for acting the way I did.I understand the resounding effects even one sentence can have. And for me to direct such hurtful feelings towards you, knowing how it would effect you, I went ahead. I'm so very sorry and there is no excuse for that, Jay.  I just hope you know it was more of a reaction out of frustration-It wasn't my intention.I don't expect to be forgiven, because I know how hard that can be for us to do.

Your experience has blown me away. I've been lucky enough to have had a subconscious experience with dad, and it's effected me in ways I won't even get into.

We all question God's existence from time to time. And nobody knows what happens to our soul when our life on Earth is over. I can say that hearing the beautiful details of your experience gives me the faith I need that when the time comes, we will all be together again.

I'm so overwhelmed to hear of your story. So beautiful, real..full of such comfort, understanding and Love. And family. All that I keep thinking is that someday, I pray we'll all see each other and be together again at Grandma's House.

From Mom:

So beautifully said, Jon. I told Jay I wish I could have been there for that great experience, too. So while this little family of ours is still on this earth, let us all please show our love to each other while we still can. I don't think any of us want to ever wish we had said or done more for each other when it's too late. That's exactly what the whole experience with Jay was all about. I Love you all so much and all I ever wanted was to be married, have children, and be the best Mom ever, but as we all know, I lost myself for a while, and I am so very sorry. It still kills me, so please, let us all just love each other, and know that we are and always will be there for one another.

-Mom